Royal Wedding

I pranced into the kitchen this morning, proudly announcing that there was a date set for the Royal Wedding.

“May 19!” I announced excitedly.

My wife looked up from her breakfast and said, “I thought you were staying off of social media until you saw The Last Jedi.”

This was true. I made that announcement last night, especially since the earliest screenings for the general public began on Thursday evening. The premiere was a week ago, and there have been a smattering of press screenings this week, but I have so far avoided all reviews, even those that claim to be “spoiler free” because I REALLY REALLY don’t want to hear anything about it ahead of time, good or bad. I even stopped watching trailers and tv spots about a month ago, on the urging of director Rian Johnson. He said that he doesn’t know what Disney plans to show beforehand, but if it were up to him, he’d avoid anything released after mid October. Makes sense, and I like that dude so I am just following his lead.

“Welllllllll. I wasn’t really on social media. It was a news alert that popped up on my iPod” I said unconvincingly.

A royal wedding! How fun! Something to look forward to throughout this long cold winter. I immediately looked up the date. It’s the Saturday of the May Long Weekend and even better, I am not working that day. I remember that April morning way back in 2011 when I got up before dawn to watch William and Kate get hitched. I think I may have even booked the day off work for it? Is that even possible? I suppose all things are possible through our Lord Jesus Christ, aren’t they? I remember Westminster Abbey was all dressed up with greenery reminiscent of Minas Tirith and it was the moment the world fell in love with Pippa Middleton. Shortly after that blessed event, I became the president of the local chapter of the Pippa Middleton fan club, and it has been my greatest honour, both professionally and personally, to serve in that capacity lo all these years.

Royal Weddings are always at their best when it is a Royal who is marrying a NON-ROYAL, because all of us commoners can imagine ourselves as that non-royal. They became our surrogate into the magical world of kings and princes. (Or in the 2011 Royal Wedding’s case, the bride’s SISTER became our surrogate, didn’t she?)

This next Royal Wedding will be a little different for all of us, because the ROYAL in question, Prince Harry, has decided to take for his princess A DIVORCED BLACK WOMAN FROM A FOREIGN LAND (America) WHO MAKES MOVIES AND TV SHOWS. Now, this is especially exciting because  I think we all have a little bit of a divorced black American lady in us, don’t we? (I mean, some of us LITERALLY do, if I am reading the results of my 23 and Me report correctly). Marrying a divorced person a generation ago would get you thrown of out the monarchy, if not the actual Commonwealth, so it goes to show how far along the Royal Family has come. Heck, Prince Charles even got to marry that lady with the horse face and that seems to be working out okay. So, best of luck to you, Harry and Meghan!

I’m hoping that the blessed event will be televised. Is it possible that it won’t be?? I love all the excitement that surrounds something like this. The CBC usually sets up shop outside, and in addition to a familiar Canadian face, they usually get some eccentric weirdo who is a “royal expert” and who is good is explaining who is related to whom and why they are there and who is in line for the throne, as well as making commentaries on their fancy hats and their howdy whatsits (IF I MAY USE THAT TERM). I wonder what Pippa will wear??

Sure, some people like to point out that in this day and age why even HAVE a monarchy? Those people are monsters. If we didn’t have a monarchy, who would we put on our money? And how would we know which products have been officially endorsed by the queen if they didn’t have that little crest on it? It is comforting to sit down with a cup of Twinings tea, for example, and know that somewhere on the other side of the world the QUEEN HERSELF is very likely ALSO enjoying that same brand of tea. It’s what connects us, and it makes the world a little bit smaller and friendlier. It’s the kind of thing that connects a lonely lighthouse keeper with the sister of the future queen of England, TO TAKE JUST ONE RANDOM EXAMPLE.

So, you can rest assured that next May 19th the lighthouse will be fully lit in royal colours, the kettle will be boiled for tea, and perhaps later on that day a British themed meal will be planned. Croquet on the lawn, even? We all have a role to play, and I AM HERE FOR IT.

p.s. does anyone have Pippa’s updated contact information? My emails keep bouncing back.


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