The other day, the fanbase asked me if I knew how many posts I’ve written on here, and I didn’t really know off the top of my head but I guessed “150?” As it turns out, Instagram Crackers was my 140th post, so, close but no cigar. If I was really on the ball, I would have written a post about twitter for my 140th post (140 characters, get it?) but I’m just not that swift. (Plus MBM is on summer hiatus, so what the hell am I even doing writing THIS post, you may be asking yourself, and rightfully so.)
I think it is because today was my first day back at work in over two weeks and I realized I had a work-related blog post due in a few days, so once I started thinking about that, the ol’ blog juices started to flow (gross) and here we are, snuck back into the MBM offices with the lights out and the sound turned down. I smiled reassuredly at security on the main floor, and gave them the slightest of knowing winks as I passed, so we won’t be bothered by them tonight.
So what do you want to talk about? It’s summer, so maybe I should just stick a movie on and ask you to write me a report about it afterwards to make sure you are paying attention. The choices are “Jaws” and “North by Northwest”. I’m good with either one.
Or why don’t we take a look at some unfinished blog posts, stewing in their own blog juices (again, gross), and see if there is anything worth salvaging? Yes it’s true, world. Not everything that comes out of my mind ends up having the “publish” button clicked on it. There is actually the slightest amout of editorial thought that goes into these damn things (tonight excepted), and some things are so dumb, or so poorly thought out that they just sit there unfinished until something else comes along.
So here’s some stuff from the “unpublished pile”. If I were a musician, I suppose these would be the unreleased tracks and studio rejects.
“Trader Pete”. A nostalgic post about a particular comic book shop and owner that my best friend and I would often visit as kids and his personal and professional ups and downs. Maybe one day I’ll flesh this one out as a counterpiece to “Find of the Century”.
“Remembrance Day is for Remembering”: a semi-serious post written way back in 2011 about a spur of the moment roadtrip to Darlingford (remember that stack of old donated books that I was fantasizing about?) on Remembrance Day and what we found there instead. Maybe I’ll publish it this Remembrance Day…
“Hidden in Plain Sight”. This one never really got past the concept stage of talking about some of the rare books I’ve collected over the years and the worry I have (had) of our infant daughter finding them and destroying them. It hasn’t happened yet, and maybe by holding off of this one I’m holding off on the inevitable destruction (SUPERSTITION!)
“The Secret Life of Bees”: this one is pretty much ready to go, and I just forgot about it. It’s all about my wife’s weird obsession with honey bees and her plan to attract bees into our garden.(To what end? Nobody knows.) Just the other day, we had friends over and one of them GOT STUNG by something (I don’t think it was a bee, I think it maybe was a wasp), and so this whole “Bees are misunderstood” argument lost a little momentum I think.
“Me Draw Pretty One Day”. This title, shameless borrowed and adapted from a David Sedaris book, was talking all about my inability to draw anything past a grade 3 level because I stopped taking art in grade 3. (That’s not exactly true. I stopped taking art in grade 7, but I kind of “gave up” on art in grade 3 and I never really progressed past that point). And I wrote the bulk of this post when my daughter was just starting to draw, and she would ask me to draw a banana, and I could draw a PRETTY GOOD banana, and she looked at me like I was Jim Steranko or something, and it felt great. But now, my daughter’s old enough that this very morning we were drawing together after breakfast and she asked me to draw a flower and I did, and she looked at it and looked up at me and said, “That’s a pretty sad flower, daddy.” and I guess it was, I guess it was…..next.
“Lighthouse Librarian”: This one actually has the best chance of being turned into a publishable post, and is the most recent of the “dead” posts, written just last week. On our recent roadtrip, we stopped in at a lighthouse, and I was struck in the museum how quickly lighthouses and lighthouse keepers became obsolete with the invention of radar, satellite and GPS, and how there are so many parallels between the 20th century lighthouse keeper and the 21st century librarian. Ah hell. Fuck it, right? I mean, I’m forty next year. If I can somehow keep libraries relevant for the next 20 years or so, I’ll selfishly have a job for that time and then I’m out. (Actually, between you and me, according to my HR Benefits, I am eligible to retire in 11 years, so I can tread water til then, surely?)
“Mariyka” I’ve had the same dental hygienist for almost twenty years, but recent personal events in her life are forcing us to say “goodbye” and I am not dealing with this very well AT ALL. I’ve got mixed feelings on this post, because I’m talking about someone and they don’t know I’m talking about them and I feel like maybe at the very least I should change the names or something, and maybe it’s all for the best if I just don’t write it at all, or maybe write it to get it out and then don’t publish it, or maybe just jot down my thoughts in a journal or maybe……you can see why this remains unfinished and unpublished, right?
“United Notions”: This was just a weird riff on the names of several Secretaries-General of the United Nations. Why do so many of them have incredibly awesome names? Ban Ki Moon? Dag Hammarskjold? U Thant? Come on, people: his first name was a LETTER! And who could forget Boutros Boutros-Ghali, the Secretary-General so nice, they named him twice. So yeah, I was going to do a profile on each Secretary-General with an excellent name (and make stuff up about them, of course), but I haven’t completed it yet, and it sort of felt like I was being a little RACIST or insensitive or something, so I held off.
“Fast Times at Neptune High (Part 3)”. Alert readers of the blog will recall that a small group of us are making our way through all 3 seasons of Veronica Mars before the kickstarted movie is released next summer (currently in production, yo!). We breezed through Seasons 1 and 2, but for some reason, we just can’t seem to make any headway on Season 3. All of a sudden we’ve all gotten all busy, and it’s the summer and we’re going to the beach and having bonfires and whatnot (which is all great, don’t get me wrong), but the result is that this last post about season three was started two months ago and only covers the first 5 episodes or so, and I feel like maybe I need to go back and at the very least reread what I’ve written so far and maybe rewrite some of it (even the title is inaccurate, as they are graduated in season 3, but I guess I was going with continuity).
“Silver Linings Hymnbook”: I wrote the bulk of this one back in the winter, when our church was on the cusp of going through a bunch of changes, but I never published it because I sort of felt like maybe the full story hadn’t fully been yet told, and now I’m glad I held off. I don’t know. I’ve written a few times about faith and church and whatnot on here, and I always kind of feel like a pompous phony and I cringe when I go back and read what I’ve written. Plus, it wasn’t very funny and it was long and who knows? Maybe it will be made available to the platinum circle one day, as an extra, during MBM’s pledge drive. We’ll see.
So there you have it. 140 posts, and ten misfires. So I guess that makes 150 after all, if I went nuts and hit “publish” on all of them right now, but that’s the Bushmills talking. Shhhhhh! I think I hear security, making their rounds. Did my wink mean nothing to them? I better log out and make my way to the fire escape in the alley and slip back into the world.
Until next time, friends. This was “140 Posts”, but I guess if you’re really going for accuracy, this was really 141.