Okay, so it looks like the ordeal is finally over.
We went in to the bank yesterday to just sign the papers and GET ON WITH OUR LIVES. Nothing could be easier, right?
Well we’re talking about Zack here, remember? Zack, the walking, talking fuck up. And get this: we were introduced to “Lillian” a young trainee who was shadowing Zack to learn the job! I nearly fell out of my chair when I heard this news.
Rather than take you through the meeting blow by blow, let me just list the things that Zack got wrong yesterday.
- He had the wrong type of line of credit lined up for us and had to reprint the documents while we waited.
- He had my wife’s middle name misspelled on the mortgage documents and when we pointed this out to him, he said it didn’t matter because the bank only records the middle initial. The fuck?
- He had mysteriously and sneakily added $60 a month to our mortgage payments for “insurance” even though I had clearly stated in an email that we had mortgage insurance from another company that provided better coverage at a lower rate.
- He had misquoted the actual amount of what we were approved for, a difference of $5000. This part didn’t bother us too badly, as we were approved for approximately $50,000 more than we would ever want to borrow anyway, so what’s $5000 between friends, but STILL
- He asked to have a copy of our house insurance faxed to him, even though I had faxed a copy of our house insurance to him in November when his whole goddamn bullshit started in the first place.
I think that’s about it. Five fuckups in 20 minutes. He was on a roll today. I actually started to think that he was doing this maliciously now, trying to get as much wrong to spite us for getting him called on to the carpet in front of his boss over the whole “title defect” business, but that’s just me being paranoid, right?
He left the office for a minute and Lillian made some small talk to me and my wife about what we had planned to do to our house, etc etc. She seemed really nice and I wanted to lean across the desk and hiss, “Lillian, LISTEN. Don’t follow anything this guy Zack does. He’s a fuck up. He’s a totally incompetent fuck up and you’d be well advised to ask for another “banking officer” to shadow if you have any chance at all in making it in this business. Run, Lillian! Run while you can!” But of course I said none of that, I just sat there as my wife mused about finished basements, gazebos and dishwashers.
During the break, Deborah, the bank manager with whom I interacted during the exhausting three-way last week came in to introduce herself to us in person. She looked a bit nervous but was very friendly to us. She told us that Zack was “moving to Edmonton” soon and that if we had any banking needs to call her directly. I’d like to think that “moving to Edmonton” is a banking phrase which here means, “being sent to a clinic to be chemically castrated” but I think I may just mean that he’s moving to Edmonton.
In any case, hopefully that will mean our dealings with Zack have finally come to an end, and we will never ever have to see or hear from him again. It bugged my wife that Zack never apologized to us directly, or ever really took any ownership of his role throughout this whole ordeal. Also, it bugged her that he would only look and talk to me when he was explaining things. I told her that if it was any consolation, that I could barely understand a word he was saying. I’m not sure if I mentioned that English appears to not be Zack’s first language. Either that, or the dude has a debilitating speech impediment. In any case, I felt like turning to Lillian to get her to translate for us.
But the bottom line is where were done, right?
When we got home from the bank, the phone rang. Guess who it was? That’s right: Zack. At the end of our meeting, he gave us a bank draft to pay off our car loan at another institution so that we could transfer it to a lower interest line of credit. Well, I guess he didn’t keep the merchant copy for his records. It was a minor error, it could happen to any one of us, but it was the LAST error, the FINAL error, and I had had enough. I told Zack I’d bring it by the branch, and maybe I even will…………………in three or four months.