“It is in love that we are made, in love we disappear.” Leonard Cohen
“Love is not a pie.” Amy Bloom
Well Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!
I thought I’d write a few words on “things I love” for the occasion. I could go all sappy and write about the love I have for my wife and daughter, but that’s boring and who wants to read about that anyway?
So I’ve put together a list of other things that I love. I was going to rank them in magnitude (pop pop) of loveliness, but that’s kind of hard. It certainly isn’t an exhaustive list, because as readers of this blog know, I am generally hateful of most things, but there are a few things out there that touch the ol’ heart in a special way.
1. Garlic Bread
A couple of years ago, on Channel 4’s “Big Fat Quiz of the Year”, David Mitchell was asked a question about a service in London where you could send a text and they would deliver a pizza based on your geographic coordinates. He said something about how he would love to have a lifestyle where there was a garlic bread vaguely following him around town. I couldn’t agree more. I think I declared a little while ago that if I had to have only one food on a desert island, it would be garlic bread. I said this because I would hopefully figure out how to trap lobster, crab and fish, and what doesn’t go better with seafood than a little garlic bread? The best garlic bread is crusty on the outside, but warm and mushy on the inside (like my first wife, heyo!). There are variations: you can melt cheese on top, you can shape them into bread sticks, both types are fine with me. But when it comes right down to it, a nice French Loaf buttered up with garlic and warmed through in the oven can’t be beat. Traditionally, you’d eat garlic bread with pasta, and I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT, but last night I was at IKEA and I had the usual meatballs and mashed potatoes, but I also added a slice of garlic bread on the side for 50 cents! I could have had 2 for a buck! They weren’t the biggest pieces of bread in the world, mind you, but they were an inspired addition to the meal and I can only imagine the envy behind my wife’s eyes as she sat across the table from me. You know when you buy those garlic breads wrapped in foil at Safeway or wherever? Have you ever read the instructions on the bag? In addition to the heating instructions, they say something like, “Why not stick a loaf in your freezer and pull it out when you have unexpected guests?” Now that may sound deranged to you. Who serves garlic bread as a snack on its own to interlopers? I’m telling you that wording applies exclusively to ME. So note to the fanbase, if I ever show up unexpectedly on your front doorstep and you go to your freezer and whip out a loaf of garlic bread and stick it in the oven, I’ll love you forever. That’s a promise.
I was going to write about a few other things that I love, but I can’t think about anything else except garlic bread. It’s going to be a long day. Amy Bloom said that love is not a pie, i.e. loving one thing or person does not in any diminish the way one could feel about other things or people. She’s right. It’s not a pie, it’s more like a never ending order of warm gooey garlic bread.